Ranting

Ok, it’s nearly Christmas, good will to all mankind, the season to be jolly etc. I’ll get round to that soon enough but first let me indulge in a bit of banter. It's nearly the new decade and I want to mention a few things that crept into the early 21st century and shouldn't be allowed any further.

Men trying to sell toiletries in night club toilets

What’s this all about? You go to the toilet and a man selling toiletries squirts the soap for you and turns the tap on and you’re supposed to tip him? It’s a sickness my friends. Give the guy a proper job in your club or get rid of him. These people have crept into night club toilets across the land. You can’t even go to the toilet without someone trying to sell you something. That’s fucking sick. I'll wash my own hands. And while we’re at it I’m quite capable of turning a handle on a toilet door rather than wanting to press a button, Mr idiot designer who designed toilet doors on trains.

Text messaging as a form of conversation.

Too busy to answer the phone but can text all night? How does that work? If you spend all night texting what other possible task can you be doing. If you speak to someone on the phone you can do no end of things; cook a meal, wash up, even have a shave. Ok, I don’t mind the odd message: meet you here, etc, but trying to have a conversation, forget it. It’s really bad. Text messaging should have been invented before the telephone. Think about it, it’s less advanced. Imagine if text messaging had been invented first. They’d have said, yes it’s good but imagine a device where you could have a two way speaking conversation with someone. Now that really would be the future. Bring it back for the new decade.

Camden

Thieving Council, horrible after hours food, massive queues at crap bars to buy a £4.20 can of lager, waiting for uptight people who insist on paying by debit card. Third rate opticians with their horrible little grey suited sales people and ill mannered inept staff. Camden is like the bitter older brother who never really moved on, and can never get to terms with the fact his younger brothers, Brick Lane and Islington are far better dressed and people you’d like to hang out with. And in Camden you never ever see anyone looking as though they’re having a good time. See the photo above for an example of neighbourly communication in the borough of Camden. The only good thing about it is Alan Bennett and the fact it’s near Regent’s Park.

Automated/most customer services

So you phone with a problem, you’re taken to a series of options, which lead you down a cul-de-sac that won’t answer your query, then you’re told what to do for a problem you don’t have, and the phone cuts off, as if you’re query has been in any way answered.

And while we’re at it, what happened to customer service? It’s all attitude and people pointing the accusatory finger at you. On trains, in Banks, on the phone to the Council.

And what’s going on with administration systems? They can’t process anything: contact lenses can’t arrive, council tax bills can’t arrive, driving licence sent to the wrong address, any money you’re owed – no chance. It’s the 21^st century and a change of address has made me notice that virtually nobody seems to be able to process anything anymore; everything is so fucking lame. This has got to change.

Manners for customer based jobs should be re-introduced into the new decade. Oh, and top hats too. This helps with the manners you know. You can tip your hat to people to greet them.